On January 29, 2017, my dear friend Mary McDermott left this planet. As I sporadically have the urge to call her, I rue all the days that I did not and I think of her children and grandchildren and their grief.

Should there be people in your life who were important to you and with whom you have not connected for some time, please consider doing so now!

In tribute to Mary and our friendship, I am sharing here, acknowledging who she was for many, many years in my life. If you are one who knew her, may it trigger and reinforce memories for you and recognition of her role in your life spread out to others.

Tap or click on triangle in upper left to hear Mary McDermott and Sheila Finkelstein

Hopefully,  you are, or have been, blessed with at least one friend who supports/supported and loves/loved you unconditionally… A friend from whom you might have grown geographically apart, where ongoing communication has diminished… possibly down to extremely rarely. Yet when you connect again, by phone or in person (human voice contact beyond the written word), it’s like there has been no time that has passed. You pick up right where you left off.

Such a person was Mary McDermott in my life. I don’t know if it means anything in the Spiritual world but it moves me that Mary passed away on the same day my beloved husband Sam would have been celebrating his 85^th birthday were he still alive. In my real world it means further that Mary will be ever connected to me on January 29^th each year for the rest of my life.

I’ve known/knew Mary for 51 plus years. In a short video clip I made of the two of us during an overnight visit with me in Florida 3 years ago, she stated our friendship began in 1971. Further checking reveals that it goes back to 1965 when I read about the Association Library in Old Bridge, NJ needing volunteers. It was a few months after my late husband and I, with a toddler and infant son, moved into our home where we stayed for 37 years. The 1971 date that she mentioned was the year the Association Library went Municipal.

In 1965 I was not one who easily went into groups. But “no library in town” was something that had come up in a dream I had when we returned to New York after putting a deposit down on what became our home for 37 years. It was also the first complaint that I heard from a neighbor on the day we moved in. So how could I not respond to the “call?”

I don’t remember any specifics of my first meeting Mary or the other volunteers. What I do know is that ultimately thanks to Mary, and all of us volunteers, we got the Association Library up and running in an Army medical dispensary that had been trailered over from New Egypt before my move into Old Bridge.

Once we got going, I recall many wee hours in the morning (1 AM or later) when Mary’s beloved Jim, or my beloved Sam, would call us on the library phone (no cell phones in those days) to see if we were okay and demand we leave and come home… “Enough, for one night, organizing and cataloguing donated books.”

Mary and I became partners. “Co-Coordinators of Library Service,” we labeled ourselves. I forget who did what in those days… one managed the scheduling and overseeing of volunteers, the other the cataloguing of books. And we each supported the other. Sam and I often went to Englishtown and bought library-bound, young children’s books, closeouts, for $.79/each, as I recall. More to do and more to enjoy!

The main point of the Library story is to show the initial foundation of Mary’s and my relationship. Through that we became best friends, sharing our families, our lives, our love for them all, supporting one another through the good times and hard times… for Mary, especially during her husband’s illness and subsequent death when she was only 32 years old, through challenges and illnesses in Boston family members, and then through the amazing job she did, as a single Mom, raising their 5 children.

Mary’s always giving, caring and support extended far beyond her family, to friends and anyone in the community who crossed her path, particularly in the Old Bridge Public Library where she served as Circulation Director for so many years.

Back to the Association Library… Ultimately, through a grant, possibly from The League of Women Voters, the Township supported a professional study of the library. The results led to a public referendum for a Municipal Library system. I moved away from our Volunteer association responsibilities to co-lead that campaign and Mary took on the full leadership and responsibility of the Association Library with the help of one or two other volunteers. When the referendum was passed, Mary became a salaried employee and continued in a leadership capacity. I went back to school to get my degree in Art Education.

Throughout this time period Mary was ALWAYS there and available as a sounding board and always and consistently a supporter of me, regularly pointing to/reminding me of my strengths. I still hear her voice in my head stating a couple of things I recall so clearly.

During the frustrations of the referendum or dealing with the Town Counsel after, negotiating for money and probably more, I remember complaining about something… possibly overwhelm, frustration and wanting to call it quits.

Mary said to me, “Yes, but you’re resilient. You get upset for 45 minutes and then you’re back up and running.” “I would be down for days,” she continued. Her observations and reminders still empower me today.

Once the library was established, I went back to college to complete my Bachelor’s degree in Art Education, got a job teaching Art in Old Bridge. I mention this because there is another thing I can hear her saying to me that at times still resonates with me. I was expressing some of my frustrations in teaching. I recall saying, “Here I am doing everything I always wanted and I am still eating [junk food, snacks, etc.]”

Mary responded, “Who said this is always what you wanted to be doing?” That had me do a “double take. “Wow!” and I started thinking about it. There are times when I still hear her, in my head, asking that question. I will pause and reflect on whether what I AM doing is really what I want to be doing… “Am I passionate about it?”

Mary had a great sense of humor and loved telling stories, especially sharing the deep love and concern for her children, then her grandchildren. Her pride always came through.

She was interested and knowledgeable about so many things. I interacted with her as if there wasn’t anything she did not know. AND, most importantly for me in that realm, she was my go-to person whenever I wanted the latest on what was happening locally (after I moved) and, more importantly, in the bigger world… currently and historically. When it came election time, I always called Mary for updates and even at times for her to simply tell me for whom to vote. This continued even after I moved to Florida. At times, she would even fill me in on political things going on here.

So many times she made it easy for me to be thriving in the info world, as well as in my own emotional world. The depth of her caring, her knowledge, contribution and love are a huge part of Mary McDermott’s legacy. I am so very grateful that she was part of my legacy… a major contribution to who I became, to who I am today.

A very special thank you and gratitude to JB, Christine, Tommy, Michael and Cathleen…the McDermott “clan”… for sharing your Mom with us throughout your growing years and beyond and for being the joy in her life.

Rest in Peace, my Dear Mary, hopefully embraced once more by all those whom you so loved who have predeceased you. Know that the values and memories you’ve left behind will nurture your family and friends, hopefully, for generations to come.

With deep love, your special friend, Sheila Finkelstein